Break Through Into Love

VALENTINES DAY can be really tough when you’re unattached. I know. I used to dread this day. All the ads for flowers, diamond rings, romantic dinners…. Stores floor to ceiling in red and pink. Bouquets showing up on your in-love co-worker’s desk, all your attached friends suddenly becoming unavailable. Restaurants packed with gooey couples staring longingly into each other’s eyes. The entire planet screaming that you SHOULD be in a relationship and that if you’re not, well – there’s NOTHING for you to do. It’s enough to make even the staunchest proud-to-be-single of us quiver at the knees.

Here are five simple do’s to chase those blues away and replace them with joy, love, and fun.

1.  DO say NO to sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself.

Self-pity and victimhood are HUGE barriers to living a life of love and creativity. They will keep you stuck in the past. They lead to all kinds of unhealthy habits that are destructive to your beautiful self. Just say NO to the seductive pull of blame and resentment. What’s happened TO you is not nearly as powerful as what you DO with the life you have today.

Instead:

If you find yourself unattached this Valentine’s Day – do it in style. Celebrate your favorite person, YOU. Treat yourself to your favorite dinner, watch your favorite movie, put on your favorite music and dance in the living room.

2.  DO banish ALL negative thoughts from your head.

You know – your personal gremlin that’s always on your shoulder whispering little lies into your ear 24/7. Send him out on a date with himself for the night. Of course, he’ll be back in the morning. But you’ll be ready to manage him after your time of separation.

Instead:

Make a list of all the things you are grateful for. Then make another list of everything you love about yourself. This might be difficult at first – but go at it. Put it all together in a Valentine you send in the mail to yourself. You’d be surprised at how surprising and pleasing it is to get a love note in the mail from yourself. Really!

3.   DO resist the temptation to hang out with your co-dependent life-sucking ex just so you don’t have to feel alone.

There’s a reason he (or she) is your ex. Leave it alone. There are worse things than being alone.

Instead:

Connect with your other single friends. Go out on a group date with all your single friends, or invite them over for a shared dinner and a movie. Decorate your home with flowers and candles. Celebrate your love for each other by making Valentines to express what you appreciate about each of your friends. Put on the music and have some fun.

4.  DO find someone to love.

You have so much love to give – you don’t need a “partner” to give it. Find someone else who’s alone, perhaps a neighbor, co-worker, or a friend who’s lost their spouse, and spend the evening together. You’ll be amazed at how your own spirits will lift and the Valentine’s Blues will just drift away.

5.  DO use this time to reflect…

on whether you’re ready to try on some new perspectives about relationships and dating. If you are truly tired of being single and are ready to open your heart in a new way to true love, commit to taking some action to break whatever unsatisfying relationship cycle you find yourself in. Seek some help from a trusted counselor, coach (that would be me), or friend. But be prepared to roll up your sleeves to do the work. You’ve created that cycle (remember – no fair blaming someone else). Now you’ve got to do the work to break it and move into the uncharted territory of true authentic life-long love.

Yes, Virginia, there is authentic life-long love…. But YOU are the one who must create it. Waiting for Santa Claus to bring it to you – well – you’ll be waiting a very long time.

Are you ready to take action now? You can share a spirited journey with other fabulous women under the guidance of an experienced coach who’s navigated these waters herself. Sign up for the twelve-week BREAK THROUGH INTO LOVE course for unmarried women.

There’s a new group forming now. You don’t have to be local. You can participate in the privacy and comfort of your own home, wherever that may be.

 Contact me today. We’ll set up a time to talk, just you and me. Click HERE.

Tags: Blues, Girlfriends, love, relationships, single, unmarried, Valentines Day

This entry was posted on Saturday, February 11th, 2012 at 2:21 pm and is filed under chronically single, Friendships of Women, relationships, single women. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.